A Domestic Goddess I Ain't

Consider this post an epilogue or a postscript to my previous post about my trip in a time machine. 

You see I have been taking considerable ribbing from my family about the fact that I found a 13 year old box of Kraft dinner in my cupboard while searching for a long lost fondue pot.  I think my brother In law put it best when he said, "Well sir that’s saying you clean your cupboards lots too!” (Read with a laughing voice in a Tignish accent).  I guess I am not a cleaner.  Don’t get me wrong, my house isn’t filthy.  It isn’t one of those place we’ve all been in one at one time or another where you walk in and the smell hits you first thing and you are scared to sit down so you just look for any excuse to get out the first chance you can. No I’m not that bad.  My house usually smells pretty clean and looks definitely livable.  I’ve seen lots worse, but I really don’t enjoy cleaning.  It is a chore and one that annoys me. Mostly because I kind of think, “I don’t live here all by myself, so why should I be the only one that cleans it?” now I can hear my family saying, “That’s not fair! We clean all the time!” and I can hear my kids, “mom makes us clean like slaves!!”  But really it is almost as much work to get them to clean as it is to do it myself!  You have to nag and cajole, and then even when they do it you have to go back when they say they are done and point out all the stuff they missed and make them do it over again and everyone gets cranky… like I said, not fun!  I could think of a million things I would rather be doing than cleaning and usually those other things win the battle.  My husband and I will tidy up now and then, and that is what I am good at, tidying! But that deep down nitty gritty cleaning… it doesn’t get done around here very often. 

I was watching a show about gypsies the other night and the gypsy women and girls are raised to be house wives, they aren’t supposed to work outside the home after age 16 and their days are spent keeping an immaculate home.  This one girl was washing down the baseboards in her home as she was interviewed and the base boards were clean! The water she was rinsing the cloth in was perfectly clear! And all I could think was, what a colossal waste of time!!! Why wash the baseboards everday, or week? Why not wait and do it when they are dirty, like once a year?? If I was washing my baseboards that water would have been nice and brown and you wouldn’t have any trouble telling where I had cleaned and not cleaned… well maybe not, because  over the years  I have chosen the décor for my home with  colors, textures and fabrics that hide dirt!   Yes it is true, I have specifically chosen  rough, sandy, dirt colored tile for all my floors, no need for shine here because it has a nice matt finish… there have even been times when I was scrubbing one dirty looking spot and realized that It wasn’t dirt, it was just part of the pattern on the floor!  That being said, I can go weeks, dare I say even months without scrubbing it! I have lots of natural wood wainscoting, again hides dirt well, and dark colours and patterns! 

Now if, like my family, you read my previous blog post and thought, “Oh My God! She hasn’t cleaned her food cupboards in 13 years???!!!” no that’s not true; I try and clean my food cupboards at least once every 2 or 3 years at least.  Most recently it was this winter and I threw out anything that had solidified and wasn’t supposed to be solid, or anything that was expired, or that I could remember having bought, etc.  but getting back to the KD, I was baffled as to how it got up there in the first place! I had never, to my best recollection used that cupboard to store food! It was just too impractical! In order to get at the space where the KD was I had to stand ON the counter and stick my arm in up to my shoulder!  So while I thought it was funny that it was there, it was kind of a mystery! What had I been thinking? If it were older, say 20 years old, I would have said it must have been left by the previous occupants, but the date was on it clear, and there were coupons on the box that expired in Dec. 1999, so I knew it must have been placed there sometime in 1999, and somehow, all the other junk up there that was older had been moved to make way for it! The wedding presents from 1993 were in front! It just didn’t make any sense!  Then last night, as my brother in-law was making fun of me for not having cleaned my cupboards since 1999 it dawned on me like a bolt of lightning! I literally threw my hands up and said, “I remember how it got there!!  Y2K!!!”

Now for those of you who don’t remember Y2K I’ll offer a bit of back ground here.  Apparently when early computer technology began to become part of our everyday infrastructure back in the late 70’s and early 80’s, those great computer geniuses out there gave a lot of things digital calendars that would change automatically every year on Jan 1, unfortunately for some reason most of them forgot to give these computers the ability to make the first number of the year, i.e. 1999, be a 2, it could only be a 1.  This meant that when the clock turned over on Jan. 1, 2000, millions of computers all over the world would crash including those that ran our electrical grids, our cars, our nuclear missiles… etc. you get the picture! Millennial Melt Down!!  Now this glitch was discovered  in the early 1990’s thankfully, and pretty much corrected,  but not before a few apocalyptic, right wing, survivalists got a hold of the idea and ran with it!  There were whole books written about it and what kind of disaster it was going to be for our society, (I have one by the way, called the millennium melt down, it makes for pretty humorous reading now if anyone cares to borrow it) there were survival guides and the internet, in its infancy, was the perfect place to spread this terror across the globe! 

So here is where I have to admit something… I am a closet survivalist.  I am not very good at actually doing things to prepare for the apocalypse other than reading up on what to do, but I do think about it a lot.  I really like TV shows like Jericho where basically the world gets have destroyed and the human race has to start all over again.  And I like to think that watching shows and movies like Deep Impact, or reading Stephen King novels will give me an added edge when the day comes that we have to forage and live off the land.  My husband on the other hand thinks my confidence is misplaced and that I will go down in some sort of a crazed rampage after a week without a shower... which is honestly more likely to be true, but hey, my intentions are good! And so when rumours of the impending Y2K crisis reached me in early 1999 I thought, “maybe I should try to prepare for this?” 

Now to give myself a little credit I was under the influence of some very good friends who also happened to be very big survivalists.  The husband of this couple was a real hippy who had lived off the land and had some clue about how to prepare, and they were convinced, 100% that it was going to happen and were stock piling like no tomorrow.  Now my husband was, as usual, the voice of reason.  He said, “Why do we need to stock pile food? Are all the cows, pigs and potatoes on PEI computer generated? Are they all going to evaporate on Jan. 1? What about all the wood in the forest around our house? Are there computer chips in those trees? They’ll still be there, we’ll have heat.  What about our well? Is that water date sensitive??” any way, needless to say he was against stock piling, so if I was going to do it I had to do it … SECRETLY!  So every week I would hoard away a few things from my groceries, up in this hidey hole cupboard that I had, some soap, some Maxi Pads, (those things that you can’t get at your local farm that a man would never think about needing!), a few cans of fruit, a few boxes of Kraft Dinner… until I had a nice little stock pile! And then… Trent found it.  I got a bit of a lecture and he did talk some sense into me, but I think my little stock pile stayed until after Jan. 1, 2000.  Then I gradually used it all up and forgot about it... until the other night when way at the back, I found that 13 year old box of Kraft Dinner!

So to finish what I started talking about, I am not terribly neurotic about cleaning or surviving for that matter.  I realized my aspirations at housewife mastery were never going to happen about 10 years ago when I was cleaning my oven and my then 7 yr. old said, “WHAT are you doing?? “ I replied, “Cleaning the oven!” and she asked if she could look.  I showed her proudly and she said, “WHOA! Our oven is really Grey on the inside!! WOW! Sam you have to see this, did you know our oven was Grey on the inside??”  Shortly after that I hung a framed picture in my porch that said, “A Clean House is a sign of a wasted life” and decided to let the dust bunnies procreate where they chose.  Now and then, when I feel like It, I will give something a good scrub, especially when it really needs it and at least we all get some good entertainment value out of the mess in the meantime.  So just remember in the event of some sort of apocalyptic disaster, there will be Kraft dinner at my house and possibly fondue,  it will probably be expired, but I am sure is still fit to eat... After all beggars can’t be choosers right???

An Unexpected Trip in a Time Machine

So I went for a trip in a time machine last night!

Now I know what you're thinking, " you don't have a time machine!" well I actuality I guess it isn't so much a time machine per say as much as a very awkward cupboard.  You see, I don't know who actually designed my kitchen cupboards, but they for sure didn't do it with any kind of short people in mind! I honestly think they didn't do it with any kind of people in mind at all! They look really nice from the outside, but the inside shelving doesn't match up very well with the outside doors and so on the top shelf and in the corners you have these tiny little openings  with a whole lots of space inside, but they are completely impractical for everyday use!

Back in the early days of our marriage and life in this house I  realized that these cupboards were impractical for storing food or dishes, so I figured I would use this space for storing things like old income tax returns, old bills, momentos, and all of that flotsam and jetsome of life that you figure you'd better store because you will probably need it again in a few months.. As I mentioned before, there was really a lot of space up there and I kept stuffing, and stuffing  till about the year 2000 when we bought a nice large filing cabinet which was much easier to organize. I know my sister won't believe this, but I usually clean the filing cabinet once every year or so, but these top cupboards, well they just kept getting put off for another day and the stuff up in there from those early days of our marriage got forgotten about... Until last night.  Last night I got invited to go to a fondue party and I started thinking..I'm pretty sure I have a fondue pot up there.... Somewhere.... And I started pulling things out and I fell.  Into the time machine.

 There were a bunch of old plastic cups in the front, the ones you get at the movies in a kids pack, and then in behind them, a sippy cup.  My baby is 15 and I still had his sippy cup! (lump in my throat). Then of course there was tons of junk, like the bags and boxes for my princess house starter kit, back when I had aspirations of being a princess house millionaire .. That kit has long since taken up residence in my everyday dish collection.  There were big envelopes full of old tax returns, bank statements, and bills.  I found the outfit that my 15 year old baby wore home from the hospital, and gulp,( more tears) two little hand prints made in dried red clay with the names Emily and Sam on them!  I found a few boxes with cards on them, wedding presents!!! For me!! With crystal dishes that I have obviously never used, There were a few old puzzles which Sam was happy to put together, and some old model cars which Trent had never put together, my old clippers which I used to use to cut Sam's hair before he got old enough to know better and lots and lots of junk. Just when I thought the cupboards were empty and had started wiping them down, my hand bumped something way at the back... It was a 13 year old box of Kraft dinner!!! ( for an explanation of why it was there please read the post entitled, A Domestic Goddess I Ain't)

 I threw away a whole garbage bag full of just pure junk, burned another whole bag full of old tax returns and bank statements, but kept out a couple of plastic grocery bags which appeared to have cards and momentos in them.  I went through these at the end  after I had washed down the cupboards and put back the tiny hand prints and other keepers. These bags were the real treasure in the trove! I have a habit of saving old cards, but once in a while I will find a stack of 4 year old cards and throw them away thinking.. Oh who needs these, but I am so glad I never gave my self the opportunity to throw these away.  Most of them were cards that I got for my wedding! 19 years ago.  While most didn't have any special meaning, that lump in my throat got way bigger when I opened a tiny little card that said, "all my Love, Nanny Kenny" .  My Nanny has been gone for 6 years this May, and it was like a little message from heaven from her (pauses to blow nose and wipe tears). Then I came across one, " all our love and best wishes from , Grammy and Grampy" .  Grampy has been gone for 17 years and Grammy for 7.  There was another from my dear neighbour Lois Pridham who was like a second mother to us, and one, " with love from Auntie Della" who was so special to Trent as well as to me.  There were also lots of funny ones, like the one from Lisa Gallant with a huge letter written all over the inside apologizing for not staying for the reception and all of the ones from Trent's old friends calling him a gooner blab and a dummy honk, and of course the one signed Sir James MacKay the 4th... and Melanie.

 And then at the end of the pile of wedding cards was a small pile of...(gulp) unmailed thank you cards... (guilt guilt) so I guess there is no better time to say officially:
 Angela and Cory Rocheford,
 Carol Rayner
 Aunt Alice and Uncle Dick Ellsworth,
Uncle Terry and Aunt Gladys Kenny,
Aunt Barbara and UncleStewart McRae,
 Uncle Wendell and the late Aunt Josie Harper
 Uncle Bobby and Aunt Penny Harper,
Uncle Joe and Aunt Patsy Harper,
 I am very sorry I never sent you thank you cards after my wedding! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!  I loved your gifts and appreciated having you as my guests.  Please forgive me!

 After the wedding cards there were a variety of cards, including a collection of 'congratulations on the arrival of your new baby girl' cards received at the birth of Emily, now aged 17 and off to university in the fall...( more tears) 'congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy ' cards, for Sam age 15. And awhile bunch of various birthday, valentines, anniversary cards to all of us, which made us all laugh and cry a bit.

   There were some momentos for Elora too, her 5 year grade one readiness assessment in which we found that Elora had very good verbal and writing skills, but had trouble with thinks like tying her shoes and doing up her zipper.  Her teachers final comment was, " Elora is a very happy and easy going little girl, she shows great enthusiasm and typically skips around the classroom beautifully singing and humming.... She has a very soft personality and her feelings are easily hurt.... Keep up the super work Elora!  ...". There was also a few homemade cards from her in there and a lovely self portrait of her at age 6!! ;).  There were photos of her from kindergarten, and birthday cards and invitations, and I tiny plaster of paris broken hand print too!

 My time machine/cupboard exploration lasted about 4 hours and was probably the most fun I have had cleaning in my life!   There are so many more memories that I found that I had forgotten about that I could go on for pages and pages, but I will keep them to myself for now.  I also got some insight into why I enjoy the show hoarders so much, probably because I can kind of understand how easy it is to let stuff pile up and how many wonderful treasures can be stored in a pile of junk.. Maybe I have a little hoarder in me??  Likely so, since I put that 13 year old box of Kraft dinner back in the cupboard for another 13 years,  just for fun.. Since I couldn't convince anyone to eat it if I cooked it! oh and I did find the fondue pot! Now I had better go and make that chocolate fondue!!

Uganda Isn't the Only Country With Child Soldiers.

A couple of events in the media over the last few days have got me thinking about a forgotten boy.  A former child soldier who daily lives with the loss of his childhood and the guilt for the things that he did while serving as a child soldier in an army that he didn’t fully understand.   I bet you are all thinking I am talking about a Ugandan boy who was kidnapped and forced to serve under warlord Joseph Kony right? After all, thanks to a viral video people all over Canada are enraged at the way Kony has abused and murdered Ugandan children.  North Americans  are trying to do whatever little thing they can do to try and stop Kony and to save those countless child soldiers, but I am not talking about a Ugandan boy.  I am talking about a Canadian boy,  a boy who spent part of his childhood living in Toronto and who remains to this day, as far as I know, a Canadian citizen.  That boy’s name is Omar Khadr. 

Omar Khadr’s family spent part of his childhood living in Canada, but his father held extremist Muslim views and took the family back to live in Pakistan where he became involved in Al-Qaeda.  Omar spent his early teen years being homeschooled and spending increasing amounts of time with the men his father associated with, until, at age 15 he became involved in the fighting.  During a battle he threw a firebomb that killed an American soldier.  He was arrested and was sent to Guantanamo Bay, at age 15.

In the years since his arrest Canada has done nothing to defend or help Omar Khadr, despite the fact that the UN, Amnesty international, Unicef and many other prominent organizations have deemed him to be a Child combatant and urged Canada to seek his repatriation.  Despite the fact that the supreme court of Canada has ruled that Omar’s rights as a Canadian citizen, as a Canadian child, have been severely violated. 

 

Omar Khadr is now 26 years old.  He has spent 11 of those years in an American prison.  He was found guilty by a US military court after awaiting trial for 7 years.  He received a further 8 year sentence.  By the time he is released at age 30 he will have spent half of his life in prison.  This is what the governments of Canada and the United States think is acceptable treatment for Child Soldiers.  And people wonder why our governments won’t intervene in the case of Joseph Kony?

Last night’s top news story was that former Burmese political prisoner Aung San Suu Kyi was awarded Canadian citizen ship today by foreign affairs minister John Baird..  If I was Dr. Suu Kyi, I wouldn’t put much stock in that citizen ship, it doesn’t seem to count for much if you find yourself in a tight place, just ask Omar Khadr.