He is not dead, he is just away

Today has been a sad day in my community.  A family lost a little boy very suddenly, from natural causes so there is no one to blame or get angry at, just sad sad empty grief.

It is amazing how such a thing, the death of a little boy who I didn't even know can affect me so.  Many parents I'm sure are thinking the same thing, "I can only imagine, it is my worst nightmare.." and it is, truly and as a parent I know it, but I know that no one who hasn't experienced that grief first hand can understand, not even me.

My brother died suddenly at age 12. I was 14.  It was an event that is etched in my memory so crisply that I can recall it down to the details of who sat where, and what they were wearing.  As a child that grief was agonizing, but for my parents it was a million times worse.  I'm sure they cried  when they heard about this boy.  They do everytime someone loses a child, because they know... It is a wound that never heals, you just learn to live with it.

Thinking back today I remembered a poem that came in one of the hundreds of sympathy cards my family got.  This poem by James Whitcomb Riley rang so true to me, and gave me courage to go on. I cut it out when I first read it and for many years it was taped up beside my bed so I could read it at night.

I cannot say and I will not say

That he is dead, he is just away

With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,

he has wandered into an unknown land

and left us dreaming how very fair

it needs must be, since he lingers there.

And you-- oh, you, who the wildest yearn

for an old-time step, and the glad return,

think of him faring on, as dear

in the love of there as the love of here.

Think of him still as the same. I say,

he is not dead-- he is just away.

I just wanted to share it for everyone out there who has lost a loved one.  Maybe it will help you through the dark days like it has helped me.

Making Changes

So I had a boring day on Saturday. There was no one around, and nothing on tv so I decided to watch a documentary on Netflix.   Netflix  gave me a recomendation for a movie "No Impact Man". It was a documentary about a man living in New York who had a crisis of conscious of sorts about how his lifestyle impacted the world.  He was an author and tried to pitch his preachy ideas for a book, but his editor said,  basically why don't you try living what you are preaching first and then we'll talk ,  so he went on a radical lifestyle change designed to have no impact on the world and live sustainably for one year.  Now some of his ideas were pretty over the top, like living in a New York apartment with no electricity and not using toilet paper, but some of his ideas made a whole lot of sense, like not buying anything new if he could get it used, and not using disposable products.  Another was that he decided to eat locally grown organic products only.  He also obviously gave up tv! 

Now I know what you are thinking, oh here goes Michelle again  on a new fad ..she'll be insufferable for a while and then she'll give it up and in a few years we can all laugh at how crazy she was.. I hope that won't be the case but anyway here's what I think.  I don't agree with everything the no impact man had to say ( his name is Colin Beavan by the way) but after reading his book, ( yes they did publish him after all) there were some things that rang really true to me! 

1. Tv makes us unhappy.

One of Beavans quotes that I like is " how much of our consumption makes us happier and how much of it just makes us wage slaves"  The average person spends 4 hours a day watching tv, that is 4 hours being told that they shouldn't be happy with what they have. That they need to buy this that or the other thing in order to make you happy.  And then we wonder why so many people are on anti depressants and in debt!   I honestly never ever considered giving up tv before in my life and I figured that being aware of negative messages in advertising was enough, but after reading what he had to say and really paying attention to what I was watching for a few days I realized he was right.  

Another issue with tv is that is creates chaos with our sleep habits. Our natural rhythm is to unwind at right, but instead we watch tv for hours and any sleep doctor will tell you that tv before bed is the worst thing you can do if you have trouble sleeping, which I do!  

Another reason why I never considered giving up tv was because I figured I couldn't get the rest of the family to do it to and I have tv at work soo.. Why bother.  I tend to be an all or nothing person, but another thing Beavan said was that you can't always change those around you, but you can change yourself!  so I decided to take a break from tv.  If it isn't on, I won't put it on.  I will listen to the radio, or nothing! I will still watch movies and Netflix.. No commercials there!  So last night I just didn't turn it on and you know what ?neither did anyone else! Trent and I chatted all evening, Sam went to bed early, and we both surfed the web and it was peaceful.... But I wanted to watch tv so bad!!!!!! But I just kept saying, wait another half hour.. And it wasn't too bad.  I did watch part of a movie on Netflix, but it got dumb so I turned it off, today I'm at work and no one is asking for the tv, so I just left the radio on instead... More than 24 hours tv free, not sure how I feel about it yet.

end note.. Noticing just as many ads on the radio... Sigh!

2.  We are too wasteful.

Being an Islander and having  one of the best legislated garbage disposal systems in North America I admit has made me complacent  and a bit sanctimonious! We  recycle tons including our plastic bags, so why bother with cloth.  We compost a lot, so that's good, but.... I admit, I have a lot more waste than compost.  For instance, how many times have I have something yucky in the fridge that I can't be bothered cleaning out the bottle, so I just trash the whole thing.  One thing that got me was I thought well, I can't drink the water at work, so I am stuck drinking bottled, but then it occurred to me, I have nice metal water bottles in my cupboard that have rarely ever been used, I could just take water to work form home....So I am trying to be more conscious,  turning off lights when I leave to room, washing out the icky bottles, buying things with less packaging... I'm trying, that's all I can say

3. Processed food

Now Colin Beavan originally started eating organic unpackaged food, but later went with a local organic vegetarian diet.  I'm not interested in going that far! As far as the local goes, yes! I believe in eating local as much as possible for the pure fact that I believe in supporting local business, but trade is how our nation was discovered, it was how our culture evolved and spread and has been going on since before recorded history, so if it doesn't grow here and I can get it imported from a sustainable, and fair traded source, I'm all for it.. ( you heard me, I'm not giving up my DAVIDsTEA for any thing).  

As far as organic I'd like to work towards more  organics, I think we have far to many chemicals in our environment as it is, but I also know, as Beavan discoverd, organic isn't always the best way.  As far as vegetarian goes, I can understand his issues  with the sustainability of beef, and his dislike for large factory produced meat.  After the recent ecoli issues we had here in Canada  I can under stand some of his concerns, and honestly I recently had one of those little grocery store chickens, it was more like a cornish hen, and it tasted like mush! Farm chickens are so much better!  

I have been dairy free for about 3 years now due to a severe allergy.  At first it was hard but it really isn't that hard anymore. And the more I find out what is in milk etc, I am glad I am.  One thing that the dairy allergy opened my eyes too was what is in our food! I was never a label reader before I got sick.  When I had to start reading them and I discoverd what is in our food I was shocked that, a. I wasn't sicker, and b. that more people aren't sick.  People talk about how much cancer there is in our society, how much celiac, crohns and bowel disease! Read the ingredients in your food and you won't be surprised Anymore!., ( sorry, I'm  ranting). 

So anyway, I have been In reasonably good place lately as far as my health issues go, but my weight is not where I would like it to be and I would really like to see my over all health improved.. I am turning 40 next year and I figure if I want to live the next 40 years healthier than the last 40 now is the time to make a change.  So my change is that I am going to try and get away from processed food.  If I can make it myself, I will.  At first I thought, "oh, I can't, it's too much work, I have to go all over the place to get all this organic food, I won't have the time, I don't want to waste all the stuff I already have, etc".. And then I put the breaks on.. 

First thing I realized, I have a bread maker... It has never been used, it was passed from my mom to my sister, to me, so I tried it out last night, and it was soo simple! No mess, just put in the ingredients, set the timer and 4 hours later fresh bread! And I figured out that I can add the ingredients 3 minutes a before I leave for work, set the timer and have fresh bread at supper when I get home... And I can get whole wheat, stone ground local flour at my local co-op!!! 

Now I also tried last night making homemade mayonnaise...( I am a mayo addict). That didn't turn out so good, I'll have to experiment a bit more with different recipes.    

As far as meat goes, my parents kept chickens and pigs when I was growing up and I have no problem with eating things that have faces as long as they are humanely raised.  I also have no problem with fish as long again as it is sustainably harvested.  I guess growing up surrounded by faarming, fishing and forestry had givin me a different perspective than a city dweller on what is good and what is harmful.  I have no problem killing animals if the taste good, and aren't wasted, and I don't have a problem with wiping myself with a dead tree either...

So I guess I am trying to go whole food, waste less, live in the now, be satisfied with what I have, and have a healthier body and mind... We'll see how long it lasts! After all I just realized that I forgot my refillable water bottle at home :(... One step at a time!