A non romantic story for all the cynical lovers out there

Last night my daughter, my husband and I were chatting over supper about someone's plan to propose to their girlfriend.  My husband Trent put in his two cents worth and Emily and I both laughed. I suggested maybe Trent should tell him the romantic story about how he proposed to me.... Then I said, "oh wait! You never proposed to me! So I guess you don't get to give advice in this matter... "

 Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter!  I've always really thought it was a bit ridiculous that we live in a society where men and women are supposed to be equal, where marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but as women we still leave the decision about when and if to get married up to the man.  He is supposed to completely surprise us and honour us by asking him to marry us and if he doesn't... Well we just wait and pine?  I know couples who have lived together for years.  They own homes and have children togethr but when I have asked women why they never got married many have said, "he never asked me!" Seriously? You'd jump up and marry him if only he'd get down on one knee? But you are content to live with him and be his wife in every other way even though he doesn't think you are special enough to marry?

 So I suppose you are wondering? How did we manage to get married if Trent never proposed? Well we discussed the issue like consenting adults.  You see I had told Trent that I thought we should get married. We had a child, and I wanted us to be a family.  He thought we were too young (we were 17 and 19, he was probably right ) and he wasn't ready, and so we broke up! We were apart for a year and during that time I did get engaged to someone else! He was a very romantic guy and he got down on one knee in the snow and gave me a ring and I cried and said yes, but not long afterwards I realized I was in love with the romance, but not the man! There were too many ways that we were just incompatible.

 Meanwhile hearing I was engaged to someone else I guess gave Trent a little shock and he realized that he really did want to be with me.  at the same time I realized that I still wanted to be with him and maybe he was right about us being to young to get married.  When we got back together he knew that getting married was important to me.  While attending a friends wedding I asked him if he thought we should ever get married.  He said yes, of course! And I said when would you like to? And he said how about next July? And the rest was history! It wasn't romantic, I didn't get a ring, we did discuss the possibility of a ring, but I really wanted to put that money towards buying a house.  I kinda would have liked an inexpensive ring as a symbol to show everyone else, but in the end it was just as well that he didn't bother as I now have serious contact allergies and can't even wear  my wedding ring anymore.

After almost 19 years of marriage we are still very happy together.  He is still not a great romantic, but he does try, sometimes... He actually got me flowers one time this year for no reason at all, mind you he didn't get me anything at all for valentines day last year.  I wasn't really upset, it was snow storming that day.  He told me he intended to get me something, but all the stores were closed due to the storm.  I have come to realize after 21 years together, that expecting my husband to plan ahead is akin to expecting a person born with no legs to jump rope.. It's not going to happen naturally and if it does it will probably not end well.  I have come to believe that that portion of his brain that is supposed to plan in advance simply didn't grow, so instead of getting mad.. I just accept it the same as his blue eyes and crooked nose. A part of him that makes him who he is. And he accepts me for who I am with all my quirks, and annoying habits.   I guess we are a prime example that romance isn't a necessary ingredient to a successful marriage! But communication and mutual respect is!  However, a word to the wise, if you are a man, this year for valentines day give your wife a card or something at least, just to show her that you appreciate, love and respect her...