If you sprinkle when you tinkle, Sit The F**ck Down!!!

I have an ax to grind, a bone to pick, with men who pee standing up.  Yes you heard me, men who pee standing up! Now you are probably thinking, don’t most men pee standing up? Why yes yes they do! So, if you are a man, or male who pees standing up, I want you to read this blog post,

If you are a woman who has, or at some time in the future may have a male child whom you will have to toilet train, I want you to read this blog post,

If you are a woman who has ever sat in, or stepped in male urine, or who has ever had to clean a toilet/ urinal, join my cause!

What, you may ask is my cause? I am hereby starting a campaign to convince every civilized person to pee sitting down! Yes that’s right; I think every civilized person should pee sitting down.  Why? Because you are less likely to splash your urine all over the place for the next person to step in/ sit in/ cleanup/ smell!!!!

Now I can hear a lot of you saying, “ew, I don’t want to have to sit on those nasty dirty public toilets and catch other people’s ass germs” but I am asking you to show me one instance of a dreaded toilet disease that you know of.. Current, not from 100 years ago… I am sure you can’t tell me about 1!  And that is because the modern toilet is normally the cleanest surface in any home/ business.  It gets cleaned more often, with harsher chemicals than any other surface.  There are 100 times more germs on the average door handle or light switch than the average toilet.  In fact the average kitchen sink has 10 times more germs than the average public toilet. 

Now I am sure you are all thinking,” I have seen some nasty public toilets” and so have I, but they got that way because PEOPLE DIDN’T SIT DOWN TO PEE! And I have to say, I work in a place with public washrooms, the women have nothing on the men.  In the men’s rooms there is pee on the walls, on the floor, down the front of the urinals, down the front of the toilet! Everywhere!  Simply because men stand up to pee.   Now I am sure most of you (men) are wanting to say, “ not me, just because one person makes a mess, don’t blame everyone”  but sorry! I have to say if you take a hose and try to aim a thin stream of water into a bucket or whatever from a foot away, you are going to get some splashage. A few stray drops and that is fine….. if its water, but its not! Its urine!!!! Urine is dirty and smelly! When its dry it stinks!  Most women have more sensitive senses of smell than most men, even if you can’t smell it, WE CAN! And don’t get me started on sitting in someone else’s pee!!! Is there anything worse?? More disgusting? Than getting up in the middle of the night to go and pee, sitting down in the semi dark and feeling yourself slip… in someone else’s urine??? Even if that someone is a loved one, it is still unpleasant!

So here is my solution for this problem.  From this point on, every mother MUST train their sons to pee sitting down! Think of all the good you will be bringing into his future relationships, not to mention the misery you will be saving for countless public cleaning people! If every mother would just start taking this one small step think about how much nicer the world would be!  Now I’m sure you are thinking, my children are grown, what can do now? You can send them a link to this blog encouraging your grown sons to take up the cause and start peeing sitting down, for the betterment of humanity.  You can also forward this to any and every man you know, and beg them, for all that’s good and holy just pee sitting down! And to all of the men out there, please, on behalf of every women who you know and love, Sit The F**k Down!!

A non romantic story for all the cynical lovers out there

Last night my daughter, my husband and I were chatting over supper about someone's plan to propose to their girlfriend.  My husband Trent put in his two cents worth and Emily and I both laughed. I suggested maybe Trent should tell him the romantic story about how he proposed to me.... Then I said, "oh wait! You never proposed to me! So I guess you don't get to give advice in this matter... "

 Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter!  I've always really thought it was a bit ridiculous that we live in a society where men and women are supposed to be equal, where marriage is supposed to be a partnership, but as women we still leave the decision about when and if to get married up to the man.  He is supposed to completely surprise us and honour us by asking him to marry us and if he doesn't... Well we just wait and pine?  I know couples who have lived together for years.  They own homes and have children togethr but when I have asked women why they never got married many have said, "he never asked me!" Seriously? You'd jump up and marry him if only he'd get down on one knee? But you are content to live with him and be his wife in every other way even though he doesn't think you are special enough to marry?

 So I suppose you are wondering? How did we manage to get married if Trent never proposed? Well we discussed the issue like consenting adults.  You see I had told Trent that I thought we should get married. We had a child, and I wanted us to be a family.  He thought we were too young (we were 17 and 19, he was probably right ) and he wasn't ready, and so we broke up! We were apart for a year and during that time I did get engaged to someone else! He was a very romantic guy and he got down on one knee in the snow and gave me a ring and I cried and said yes, but not long afterwards I realized I was in love with the romance, but not the man! There were too many ways that we were just incompatible.

 Meanwhile hearing I was engaged to someone else I guess gave Trent a little shock and he realized that he really did want to be with me.  at the same time I realized that I still wanted to be with him and maybe he was right about us being to young to get married.  When we got back together he knew that getting married was important to me.  While attending a friends wedding I asked him if he thought we should ever get married.  He said yes, of course! And I said when would you like to? And he said how about next July? And the rest was history! It wasn't romantic, I didn't get a ring, we did discuss the possibility of a ring, but I really wanted to put that money towards buying a house.  I kinda would have liked an inexpensive ring as a symbol to show everyone else, but in the end it was just as well that he didn't bother as I now have serious contact allergies and can't even wear  my wedding ring anymore.

After almost 19 years of marriage we are still very happy together.  He is still not a great romantic, but he does try, sometimes... He actually got me flowers one time this year for no reason at all, mind you he didn't get me anything at all for valentines day last year.  I wasn't really upset, it was snow storming that day.  He told me he intended to get me something, but all the stores were closed due to the storm.  I have come to realize after 21 years together, that expecting my husband to plan ahead is akin to expecting a person born with no legs to jump rope.. It's not going to happen naturally and if it does it will probably not end well.  I have come to believe that that portion of his brain that is supposed to plan in advance simply didn't grow, so instead of getting mad.. I just accept it the same as his blue eyes and crooked nose. A part of him that makes him who he is. And he accepts me for who I am with all my quirks, and annoying habits.   I guess we are a prime example that romance isn't a necessary ingredient to a successful marriage! But communication and mutual respect is!  However, a word to the wise, if you are a man, this year for valentines day give your wife a card or something at least, just to show her that you appreciate, love and respect her...

You are a human being, not a human doing!

Have you ever been at a meeting or a course where you are doing those group introductions where you go around the room and everyone is supposed to introduce themselves and tell the group a bit about themselves?  Typically you’d tell your name, what you do for a living, how many children you have, etc.  I know that is my general response, but my current challenge for myself is to define myself internally, not according to my relationships, or my job. 

This navel gazing journey started for me about 9 years ago actually.  I think I was watching Oprah, or some other daytime talk show and they were talking about self-awareness.  Some guru posed the question, “Who are YOU? Not who’s mother are you, not who’s wife are you, not who’s child are you, not what is your job, but who are YOU separate from all those other things?”  I couldn’t answer that question.  I realized that I ran a motocross business and knew lots about motocross but it was my husband’s passion, not mine.  I was the president of the figure skating club, even though I didn’t skate, because my daughter did.  I baked and cooked all the time, not because I loved to, but because my family loved the results.  I was mommified!.. Now don’t get me wrong, I did all of these things of my own free will  and out of love for my family and with the intention of being the best parent I could be, but somewhere along the way I had completely lost track of who I was… and so began my quarter life crisis.

A very wise woman once told me, “You are a human being, not a human doing.   You are important because you ARE, not because of what you do”.  I know it may sound very trite to say life is a journey, yada yada, but really it is. I set out on this journey of self-discovery scared to death, thinking I could never afford it, I wasn’t strong enough, it would hurt others…. but you know what? None of that was true! I did afford it, it was totally worth it.  I am way stronger than I thought, and so are the people I love!

I am still on this journey of trying to figure out who Michelle is, not who’s mother, not who’s wife, not who’s employee or employer.   Yes, all those thing are very important to me, but I am trying every day to explore new areas, like writing this blog, like volunteering with the Red Cross, or going geocaching or snorkeling.  So who am I?  One of my close friends once told me I was a Drag Queen in a woman’s body. I love glitz, glam and dance music.  I love nature.   I am a lover of words.  I am a flamboyant extrovert, but I am learning to be a better listener.  I am bossy and funny and I enjoy my own company.  Family is very important to me but I realize that families are fluid and always changing.  So are friendships.  I can be very selfish and self-absorbed, I am not sure whether I want to embrace those qualities or try to change them.  

 I believe we are here on this earth for a very very short time and so I had better make that time worthwhile.  If you go on saying I will do that someday, when I can afford it, or later when I have time. I am here to tell you it is never going to happen.  You will never find the time.  If it is important to you, find a way to make it happen now!  If you think you can’t afford it, if it is important, make a way; sell something you have that is less important, you will always have bills. The last thing you do in life is make a bill!.  So after 9 years I know myself a lot better, but I still haven’t got the courage to introduce myself as a bossy flamboyant self-absorbed creative extrovert snorkeling  writer,  But I might try it someday, just to see peoples reaction.