You are a human being, not a human doing!

Have you ever been at a meeting or a course where you are doing those group introductions where you go around the room and everyone is supposed to introduce themselves and tell the group a bit about themselves?  Typically you’d tell your name, what you do for a living, how many children you have, etc.  I know that is my general response, but my current challenge for myself is to define myself internally, not according to my relationships, or my job. 

This navel gazing journey started for me about 9 years ago actually.  I think I was watching Oprah, or some other daytime talk show and they were talking about self-awareness.  Some guru posed the question, “Who are YOU? Not who’s mother are you, not who’s wife are you, not who’s child are you, not what is your job, but who are YOU separate from all those other things?”  I couldn’t answer that question.  I realized that I ran a motocross business and knew lots about motocross but it was my husband’s passion, not mine.  I was the president of the figure skating club, even though I didn’t skate, because my daughter did.  I baked and cooked all the time, not because I loved to, but because my family loved the results.  I was mommified!.. Now don’t get me wrong, I did all of these things of my own free will  and out of love for my family and with the intention of being the best parent I could be, but somewhere along the way I had completely lost track of who I was… and so began my quarter life crisis.

A very wise woman once told me, “You are a human being, not a human doing.   You are important because you ARE, not because of what you do”.  I know it may sound very trite to say life is a journey, yada yada, but really it is. I set out on this journey of self-discovery scared to death, thinking I could never afford it, I wasn’t strong enough, it would hurt others…. but you know what? None of that was true! I did afford it, it was totally worth it.  I am way stronger than I thought, and so are the people I love!

I am still on this journey of trying to figure out who Michelle is, not who’s mother, not who’s wife, not who’s employee or employer.   Yes, all those thing are very important to me, but I am trying every day to explore new areas, like writing this blog, like volunteering with the Red Cross, or going geocaching or snorkeling.  So who am I?  One of my close friends once told me I was a Drag Queen in a woman’s body. I love glitz, glam and dance music.  I love nature.   I am a lover of words.  I am a flamboyant extrovert, but I am learning to be a better listener.  I am bossy and funny and I enjoy my own company.  Family is very important to me but I realize that families are fluid and always changing.  So are friendships.  I can be very selfish and self-absorbed, I am not sure whether I want to embrace those qualities or try to change them.  

 I believe we are here on this earth for a very very short time and so I had better make that time worthwhile.  If you go on saying I will do that someday, when I can afford it, or later when I have time. I am here to tell you it is never going to happen.  You will never find the time.  If it is important to you, find a way to make it happen now!  If you think you can’t afford it, if it is important, make a way; sell something you have that is less important, you will always have bills. The last thing you do in life is make a bill!.  So after 9 years I know myself a lot better, but I still haven’t got the courage to introduce myself as a bossy flamboyant self-absorbed creative extrovert snorkeling  writer,  But I might try it someday, just to see peoples reaction.