Bikini contemplations

I have reached a point in my life where I have realized that if I didn't like my body when I was 16, size 4, with no stretch marks or wrinkles I am probably never going to like it. Honestly though, I didn't like my body then because I focused on all the flaws that I saw and I judged those flaws based on my socially constructed western beauty ideology. I have long accepted this ideology of beauty as fact rather than what it is, an idea that my society has formed based largely on the ideals of the Hollywood media culture.

 Realizing all this I have begun to look at my body based on a different reality. Is it healthy? Pretty much. Does it function well? Yes. Do the people who matter find it repulsive? No. Am I ever going to be size 4 with no stretch marks again? No. Does that mean that I should wear a burka all the time? No!

 Now in case you are wondering were this is all going I will ask you, have you ever seen the bathing suits designed for older women, you know the ones with the skirts that hide every thing, and a hundred pounds of liner to hold the boobs up and suck the rolls in? Well I have to tell you, as a person who loves to swim, they suck! They are clingy and heavy and they never dry! As I lay dripping on the beach enviously watching the teenagers prancing by in their itsy bitsy's I get quite jealous and think, I wish I could wear one of those but sadly I will never be able to again... and finally it has occurred to me that no one is stopping me but me!

 There are no bathing suit police patrolling the beach who are going to come and tell me,  "for gods sake woman hide those stretch marks and wrap up that flab!" And really if people look at my body and mock me behind my back, then that is their problem, not mine. I keep saying if you don't like what you see then don't look. To that end I have bought myself my first bikini in about 10 years. I haven't yet had the courage to wear it out in public yet, but I am working on it as we speak. One of these days I am just going to say Fuck you western perfect body ideals! I love my body and I don't care what anyone else says.

Postscript:
as you can see in the picture, I have since worn said bikini in the company of several teenagers who have been known to moonlight as bathing suit police and their verdict was," its not horribly tragic!"